I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
