Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
