I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
