I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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