I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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