I cockslap morals
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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