Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
