One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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