Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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