i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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