One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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He felt like a one man threesome
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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