life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
