guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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