I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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