Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
