Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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