I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
