R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
