goodnight i made you a song goodbye
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
