Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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