very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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