There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
