somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
