hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
