Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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