I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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