So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
