GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
