hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
