i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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