He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
