so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
