There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
