I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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