your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
