we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
