Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
