:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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