I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
