You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize