whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
