i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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