ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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