At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
