What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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