I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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