he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
