Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
