i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
