Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
