Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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