I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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