Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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