All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
