I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
