We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
