Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
