I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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