I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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