she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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