so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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