Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
