in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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