Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
