i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
