Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
