anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
