Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
